When I lived in Ocean City, Maryland, I heard Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville” every day, often multiple times a day. It was inescapable and annoying.

“Cheeseburger in Paradise,” however, is my jam.

Released in 1978, this ode to overindulgence is about Buffett’s struggle to maintain a healthy diet while on a permanent vacation. As Pittsburgh Magazine’s food editor, I’m up to my buns in burgers, so I can relate to these lyrics:

“I like mine with lettuce and tomato 

Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes

Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer

Well, good God almighty, which way do I steer

For my Cheeseburger in Paradise”

From sliders and gourmet ground chuck to veggies masquerading as meat, the ’Burgh is a bastion for burgers. I spent the better part of 2023 beefing up on my knowledge of them and single-handedly consumed a whole heifer in the process. (Upon my doctor’s recommendation, I’m declaring 2024 the Year of the Salad — minus the fries on top.) For me, these entries had all the hallmarks of a good hamburger: freshly baked buns, perfect patties and fabulous fixin’s.

Buffett died on Sept. 1, 2023, when Americans were preparing to fire up their grills for Labor Day Weekend barbecues. I’m sure there were a lot of patties flipped and margaritas sipped in his honor. This list of 32 noteworthy local burgers is dedicated to the King of the Parrot Heads. Hopefully he’s flying high — and enjoying a cheeseburger in paradise.

Pitts-Burger at Primanti Bros. 

Multiple locations | primantibros.com

When it comes to Primanti Bros. sandwiches, I’m a capicola-and-cheese girl all the way. But, last fall, when the iconic yinzer chain opened a location in McCandless (their biggest one to date and the closest to my house), I celebrated by ordering the Pitts-Burger. It’s their second best-seller behind Iron City Beer. After dousing the seasoned beef patty in Red Devil Sauce, I immediately felt my cholesterol skyrocket (an occupational hazard). Every Pittsburgher should have a Pitts-Burger paired with an ice-cold “Ahrn” at least once in their life. When you decide to tackle the most famous of Primanti’s “Almost Famous” sandwiches, head to the Strip District HQ, where Coleslaw Queen Toni Haggerty’s been making ’em for 50 years. Then please go see a doctor for a check-up.

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Superburger at Eat’n Park

Multiple locations | eatnpark.com

In 1949, Eat’n Park started selling its famous double-decker burger with melted cheese, shredded lettuce, pickles and Sauce Supreme, now known as the Superburger. Back then, the sandwich — which made its debut a decade before at a hamburger chain in California — was known as a Big Boy. The second I step inside an Eat’n Park restaurant, my salad bar plans fall by the wayside and I find myself consuming 720 calories in a matter of seconds — followed by fries, a strawberry milkshake and a Smiley Cookie. I’m a culinary Clark Kent and the Superburger is my kryptonite.

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Cheeseburger at Five Guys

Multiple locations | fiveguys.com

I’ve eaten more burgers in the past six months than five guys combined, but I still made room for this chain that, quality-wise, outpaces its fast-food competitors. Five Guys Burgers & Fries opened in Virginia in 1986 and quickly expanded throughout the D.C. metro area. When the founding family decided to franchise in the early-aughts, Carnegie Mellon University MBA graduate Raji Sankar and her business partner Randhir Sethi brought it to the ’Burgh. It’s been a staple around here for two decades, but I waited until January to give it a whirl. And I have to admit: Their burgers are good, yinz guys.

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Piggy Butter & Jelly at Burgatory

Multiple locations | burgatorybar.com

Some purists might consider it blasphemous to put peanut butter on a burger, but I think it’s a heavenly combination. A fiddy-fiddy patty (that’s half ground beef, half ground bacon) is dusted with Bayou Cajun seasoning and christened with white American cheese, candied bacon, bread-and-butter pickles, peanut butter and habanero jelly. One bite is all it takes for your favorite childhood sandwich to become your favorite foodie indulgence. Wash it down with a Cookie Monster Shake and you’ll be feeling like a kid again.

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Classic Double at Moonlit Burgers

Multiple locations | moonlitburgers.com

After this year’s Golden Globes award ceremony in Los Angeles, many celebrities — Including Weird Al Yankovic and Paul Giamatti — were photographed at In-N-Out Burger with their trophies in tow. It’s famous for its smash burger, and if you’ve been living under a rock instead of a spatula, you may not know that you get a smash burger by flattening a meatball and leaving it on a hot surface until the thin edges are nice and crispy. Pittsburgh chef (and California native) Mike McCoy is just as passionate about the franchise. Together with his friend and fellow chef Derek Stevens (the pair met while working at the Strip District’s Eleven Contemporary Kitchen), he brought the smashing idea to Pittsburgh, giving it a name that evokes images of ’50s era carhops (or McDonald’s moon man Mac Tonight, if you grew up in the ’80s.) Moonlit Burgers started as a weekend роp-up in 2021. Today, McCoy and Stevens operate locations in Dormont and Uptown, with a Sewickley site under construction and the new Patty Wagon booking gigs for the upcoming food truck season. Give these guys a Golden Globe!

Related: The Big Mac Was Born Near the ’Burgh

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Georgie Mak at Mike & Tony’s Gyros

Multiple locations | mikeandtonysgyros.com

Family-owned Mike & Tony’s Gyros has been dishing out Greek favorites and pub fare for more than 50 years. When you walk into any of their eateries — including their newest spot in the North Hills — you instantly become a Makripodis. Pay homage to the patriarch by ordering a Georgie Mak, a hamburger loaded with the freshest gyro meat in town, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo and stuffed between two grilled pitas. The sandwich’s namesake, George Makripodis, emigrated from Greece at age 17. My stomach is glad he did.

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Cheeseburger at Tessaro’s

Bloomfield, 4601 Liberty Ave. | tessaros.com

For me, a Tessaro’s burger is more than a meal; it’s a memory. I first visited the Bloomfield institution in the ’90s when I was an angsty teen with braces, still reeling from the death of Kurt Cobain. That half-pound burger, cooked medium-rare on a hardwood grill and piled high with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion and pickles on a Mancini’s roll with a side of home fries, made me flash a metallic smile. To this day, one bite is all it takes to soothe this savage beast. I guess you could say Tessaro’s is my nirvana.

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Mill Worker Burger at Steel Mill Saloon

 Mount Washington, 1225 Grandview Ave. | steelmillsaloon.com

I’ll admit it, I have a cushy job compared to my steelworker ancestors. After they did heavy lifting by a blast furnace all day, I’m sure a cold beer and a sandwich tasted like a gourmet meal. The only heavy lifting I do is with a fork, but I still love the satisfying, utensil-free simplicity of a burger and a brew. In honor of my forefathers, I visited Mount Washington’s Steel Mill Saloon on a Steelers Sunday and went hammer and tongs on The Mill Worker, an Angus Prime steak burger with lettuce, tomato, onion and pickles on a Mancini’s roll. Add an Iron City draft and a beautiful view from the balcony and you’ve got yourself a damn fine dining experience. For a quintessential Steel City night, I suggest riding the Duquesne Incline followed by an at-home screening of “Flashdance.” What a feeling!

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Black & Blue Burger at botL

New Kensington, 1716 Freeport Road | botlbar.com

I put a hurtin’ on my mom’s Black & Blue Burger when we visited botL; “one tiny bite” turned into half of her lunch in my belly. I couldn’t help it; the 8-ounce beef patty is seasoned Cajun-style and topped with smoked bleu cheese dressing, bacon, sauteed red onion and portobello mushroom. Only a thick Mancini’s Kaiser roll could support such a bruiser. Although my pastrami on Mancini’s rye hit the spot, too, I’m still beating myself up over bypassing the Black & Blue. Thankfully, botL is a cool little joint with some fun food and creative cocktails, so I’ll be back.

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Build-Your-Own Burger at Ruggers Pub

South Side, 40 S. 22nd St. | ruggerspub.com

Every Tuesday, Ruggers lets you build your own burger and pair it with a mountain of fries and a drink (either an I.C. Light pint, a featured draft or well liquor) for $10. Since the customer is always right, you can’t go wrong! Choose from a half-pound beef or a Banzo Bean patty and layer it with a wide assortment of cheese (vegan mozzarella is available), veggies and condiments. You have the option to go bunless, but is that really a burger? This off-the-beaten-path South Side rugby bar is, for my money, the best dive to dine at in Pittsburgh.

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PGH’er Basi Burger at Jamison’s

Dormont, 3113 W. Liberty Ave. | Facebook

I try to avoid West Liberty Avenue at all costs, but that’s hard to do when Jamison’s is located along the busy thoroughfare in Dormont. In addition to a multitude of beef burgers, JMOS sells a bunch of Basi burgers, uncured kielbasa patties custom-made for the bar by a local butcher and flame-grilled. If yinz guys want to impress a visitor with a bunch of our culinary traditions in one sammich, order them The PGH’er, a Basi burger crowned with pierogies, cheddar and sauteed onions on a Mancini’s bun. I recommend they worsh it dahn with an ice-cold Ahrn City. Between the bumper-to-bumper traffic, burgers and beer, they might not ever leave tahn.

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Nox Burger at Nox’s Tavern & Grill

Blawnox, 720 Blaw Ave. & Allison Park, 3008 William Flynn Highway | noxstavern.com

Ever had a steamed burger? Don’t nox it — try it! At Nox’s, each half-pound, cooked-to-order beef patty is placed on the flattop, seasoned, flipped, steamed under a metal chafing dish and placed back on the grill for a few more seconds before being served on a Mancini’s bun. It’s topped with white cheddar, lettuce, tomato and pickles, with secret sauce on the side. Co-owner Brittany Schaffer learned the method from her mom. In 2014, when she and Jennifer Carrozza opened the original Nox’s in Blawnox, they decided to offer the steamed burgers to differentiate the business from other watering holes serving pub grub. It takes both hands to hold and drips like a leaky spigot, but I’ve realized that the messier my place setting is after a meal, the more I enjoyed it.

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Cheeseburger Pizza at The Coxcomb

Monroeville, 5060 William Penn Highway | coxcombpgh.com

I lead a reckless life, at least where diet and nutrition are concerned. After devouring half a dozen traditional burgers for this story, I decided to flatten the curve and order a Cheeseburger Pizza at The Coxcomb, a new restaurant in the Murrysview Shoppes from the owners of The Beerhive in the Strip District. The house-made crust is topped with ground beef, cheddar cheese, caramelized onions, burger sauce and (most notably) pickles from Pittsburgh Pickle Co., the other business these folks run. They’re definitely busy bees. The Crown Cut cukes are flat on the bottom with a crinkle on top and are relish tray royalty in my book.

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Double Dahn at Wigle Whiskey

Strip District, 2401 Smallman St. | wiglewhiskey.com

Wigle Whiskey offers more than booze. The Strip District distillery goes into restaurant mode every Wednesday through Sunday with a full menu of decadent eats made from scratch. I intended to split the monstrous Double Dahn with a friend, but, upon its arrival at our table, I decided more journalistic “research” was needed. A big King’s Hawaiian bun can barely contain the two smashed patties, house-made Eau De Pickle special sauce (the most special of all special sauces, in my opinion), shredded lettuce, American cheese and sweet onion. As if this gut-busting burger wasn’t enough, you get fries, chips or a house salad on the side.

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Smash Burger at Fat Butcher

Lawrenceville, 5151 Butler St. | fatbutcher.com

In addition to a wide range of locally sourced deli meats and cheeses, sausages, ground pork, lamb chops, bacon and steaks, Fat Butcher offers phat burgers. Pasture Perfect beef from Grove City is ground fresh each day. The challah bun is stacked with two patties, iceberg lettuce, American cheese, pickles and special sauce. If you like to live dangerously, you can double the meat for an extra $4. You can order online starting at 11 a.m. Tuesday through Sunday or just drop in to chew the fat with owner Steve Dawson, one of the friendliest knife-wielding dudes I’ve ever met.

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Smash Burger at Scratch & Co.

Troy Hill, 1720 Lowrie St. | scratchandcopgh.com

If you’re itching for a gourmet smash burger in a laid-back environment, go to Scratch. The cafe and pub in Troy Hill has a simple, yet delicious, offering with two patties on a super-soft grilled bun with bread-and-butter pickles, lettuce, American cheese and chaos sauce, which is a bit of a misnomer since I experienced culinary bliss while eating it. If you want to get really smashed, order a side of Smashed Potatoes seasoned with Old Bay, garlic aioli and herbs. The main dining room houses a new local art installation every three months, so even if you can’t bear to veer from the burger during each visit, at least the view will change.

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Donut Smash Burger at Simply Burgers & Fries

Lawrenceville, 4112 Butler St.; simply-burgers.com

Simply put: Eating a donut burger from Simply Burgers & Fries is gluttonous. The patties are made at Lawrenceville Market House, which is also the home of Oliver’s Donuts. You can grab your grub to go at the pickup window on the side of the building, or there’s a nice patio in the back, too, although consuming a donut burger in public might be considered obscene. If you want to be covert, there’s a dark and cavernous dining room under Row House Cinema & Bierport on the other side of Butler Street. Just use the QR code and your Homer Simpson-approved meal will be delivered to your table. Have a cow, man!

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Oklahoma Onion at Bridge City Smashery Food Truck

Location varies | bridgecitybrinery.com

I love mobile chefs Mark Mammone and Joe Bardakos, but they’re killin’ me. A year ago, the owners of the mouth-watering Bridge City Brinery food truck unleashed another kitchen on wheels called Bridge City Smashery. I can’t resist wolfing down the Oklahoma Onion: two beef patties, American cheese, white onion and City Sauce (it’s like Russian dressing, but better). I don’t know the melting point of ground beef, but I’ve never had a burger dissolve in my mouth quite like this one — it’s an ooey-gooey delight. Even if you don’t eat meat, the Bridge City boys deliver. The Vegan Smashie features three mushroom patties, pickled red onion and cilantro chimichurri. Mammone and Bardakos are on a roll. But for the sake of my health, I hope they don’t open another addictive food truck. At least not until I detox from all of these burgers.

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Jack Sparrow Burger at Smiling Moose

Multiple locations | smiling-moose.com

The Smiling Moose is dead serious about burgers. For more than two decades, owner Mike “Scarfo” Scarlatelli has curated a menu of delicious grub at his punk rock pub on the South Side. In 2021, he opened a Cranberry spot to bring food-induced bliss to the suburbs. If you’re a pop culture fan, you’ll appreciate nods to familiar characters, such as the Jack Sparrow Burger, a fresh Angus beef patty topped with a cheddar pierogi, red wine caramelized onions, sharp cheddar, rum aioli and dressed red cabbage. Late last year, Scarfo opened a 15-barrel brewhouse with a limited menu (mostly mac-and-cheese, nachos and pasta salad that puts your grandma’s recipe to shame). He makes Smiling Moose-brand beer that, like the burgers, are underrated. I am not joking.

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Super Secret Burger Club at Cinderlands Warehouse

Strip District, 2601 Smallman St. | cinderlands.com

I’m breaking the first rule of Cinderlands’ Super Secret Burger Club by talking about Super Secret Burger Club, but it’s important information. Every Wednesday the Strip District brewery adds a new meaty masterpiece to its impressive catalog. During my visit in December, I devoured SSBC #225: The Holiday “Ham” Burger. It’s stacked like a chimney with two Wagyu beef patties, house-smoked ham, cranberry agrodolce, pineapple chutney, cheddar bacon spread, fried sage and a partridge in a pear tree. If you leave one out for Santa next Christmas, I guarantee you’ll get double the gifts.

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In-N-Aht Burger at Pittsburgh Sandwich Society and Strange Roots Experimental Ales

Millvale, 501 E. Ohio St. | pghsandwichsociety.com

After the weird year that was 2020, things got even stranger for Pittsburgh Sandwich Society. The popular food truck team took over Strange Roots Experimental Ales taproom kitchen in Millvale, and it’s the perfect union of buns and beers. There are multiple burgers on the menu, including an out-of-the-ordinary veggie option. Order online for pickup or scan the QR code at your table after buying a brew. My favorite is the In-N-Aht Double Burger, a Steel City spin on the West Coast’s In-N-Out fast-food chain. The Society adds Yinz Jam and PGH Pickles to two smashed beef patties with American cheese, spring mix and special sauce on a buttery toasted bun. Add some freshly cut fries on the side and you’ve got yourself a monster meal n’at.

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South Side Burger at Burghers Brewing

Multiple locations | burgherspgh.com

Burghers Brewing is slowly taking over the ’Burgh. The company got its start in Butler County in 2010, followed by the opening of a Butler Street site in Lawrenceville serving stellar smash burgers and beer made with ethically and sustainably sourced ingredients. Co-owners Fiore Moletz and Neil Glausier are busy revamping the former PNC Bank building in Millvale into a 13,000-square-foot flagship restaurant and production facility for a grand opening this summer. Right before the new year, the Burghers boys debuted a 700-square-foot space at The Highline on the South Side, where I took a gastronomic gamble on the neighborhood’s namesake burger topped with cream cheese, tomato, fresh jalapeños and onion. I hit the taste jackpot!

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Holy Smokes at Love, Peace + Grilled Cheese

South Side, Velum Fermentation, 2120 Jane St |  lovepeacegrilledcheese.com

What the world needs now is Love, Peace + Grilled Cheese. And a burger and a beer, of course. The folks behind Velum Fermentation’s official food vendor met at an Atlantic Music Festival and brought good vibes, good tunes and good food back with them to the ’Burgh. A Perfect Circle is their take on a classic cheeseburger, but you can also join the Peace Corps, a portabella mushroom-based burger loaded with spinach, fresh mozzarella, roasted red pepper aioli and a balsamic glaze. I like a bit of spice from my sandwich, and the Holy Smokes brings the heavenly heat with cherry pepper bacon jam, muenster cheese, arugula, chipotle aioli and pickled red onion. You’ll pray for someone to bring you another beer.

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I’m a Vegan Burger at Fat Cat Eats, Drinks & Music

North Side, 520 E. Ohio St. | fatcatpgh.com

Unfortunately, this Fat Cat doesn’t have nine lives. After press time, owners Cory Hughes and Alex Feltovich announced the restaurant was closing permanently on March 30. 

I walked into Fat Cat and into my childhood living room. The North Side eatery has a retro vibe that’ll make ’70s and ’80s kids weepy with nostalgia. There’s orange-and-brown decor, rotary phones, a furniture-sized record player, a knob-and-tube TV with a VCR and a menu bursting with nostalgic eats. I don’t know if vegan burgers were a thing during the Disco Era, but you will shake your groove thang while devouring Fat Cat’s. The housemade veggie patty gets a dollop of guac, pickled jalapeños and cilantro slaw. There’s also a smash burger that’ll put you into a food coma. If you opt for the healthier burger choice, I recommend rewarding yourself with the Elvis Split, a deep-fried PB&J Uncrustable with vanilla ice cream, candied bacon caramel and brûléed banana. Try Fat Cat. You’ll thankmeverymuch.

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Veggie Burger at Charred at City Kitchen

Larimer, City Kitchen at Bakery Square, 145 Bakery Square Blvd. | citykitchenpgh.com

As a carnivore, I had serious doubts about veggie burgers. Usually, when I order one, I end up eating it off the plate with a spoon because it crumbles like a Nature Valley granola bar. But Charred, one of the four restaurant concepts inside City Kitchen, made me a believer in plant-based burgers. The patty is rubbed with Southwestern seasoning and topped with American cheese, avocado, lettuce, tomato and chipotle aioli. When it arrived at my table, the guy sitting nearby at the bar gazed at it in wide-eyed wonder. I cautiously took a bite and waited for the vegetarian confetti to rain down on my lap. But, the burger remained intact. I gave my nebby neighbor a thumbs-up and watched him order his own.

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Smash Burger at fl.2

Downtown, Fairmont Pittsburgh, Floor 2, 510 Market St. | fl2pgh.com

Take the Fairmont’s stairs to fl.2 for a simple but savory smash burger — or ditch the beef and opt for an impossible patty. Both are topped with American cheese and secret sauce. The Downtown hotel’s swanky dining space is perfect for next-level hunger. The Higher the burger the closer to Heaven, right? Hey, there goes Jimmy Buffett!

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The Commoner Burger at The Commoner

Downtown, 620 William Penn Place | thecommonerpgh.com

The Commoner knows its burger is something to write home about. That’s why the Downtown restaurant includes a postcard with your check. There’s nothing common about this Wagyu beef burger that’s dripping with secret sauce, caramelized onions, sweet pickles and American cheese. It’s served on a nest of shoestring fries with roasted garlic aioli sauce for dipping (or chugging; it’s that good!). After dinner, I sent the postcard — which has a picture of the burger and a flaming cocktail on the front — to Pittsburgh Magazine’s Digital Director Rich Cook, who helped me land this gut-busting gig. He’s retiring soon, so hopefully he’ll return the favor by sending me correspondence from a burger joint at the beach.

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Chipotle Peach & Bacon Burger at Coughlin’s Law Kitchen & Ale House

Mount Washington, 10 Virginia Ave. | eatatcoughlinslaw.com

Last summer, my girlfriend and I split a Chipotle Peach & Bacon Burger at Coughlin’s Law. A sandwich like this should be against the law because we can’t stop talking about it. The fat patty is slathered in chipotle onions, whipped goat cheese, peach chutney and arugula. Pair your fruity burger with one of the restaurant’s 42 drafts or double down on the hog with a Maple Old Fashioned that comes with a seared bacon lollipop. The Mount Washington spot opened in 2018 and is named after Doug Coughlin, the wisdom-spouting bartender who takes Tom Cruise under his wing in the 1988 movie “Cocktail.” The owners are putting the finishing touches on a North Hills location at 138 Green Valley Road in Ohio Township. That’s a stone’s throw from my apartment, and I think that’s peachy keen!

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PIG Mac at Blackberry Meadows Farm

Squirrel Hill Farmers Market and North Side Farmers Market | blackberrymeadows.com

I went out to pasture for this pick. Located at 7715 Ridge Road in Natrona Heights, Blackberry Meadows Farm is a USDA-certified organic veggie and fruit farm that also raises chickens and pigs. They sell their goods — including some of the most decadent “Ham”burgers I’ve ever had — at farmers markets in Squirrel Hill and the North Side. This summer, they’ll also fire up the grill at their homestead so visitors can chow down on site. In addition to pork patties, the farmers are purveyors of puns. Their menu includes The Notorious P.I.G. Burger, the Rise-and-Swine Brunch Burger (topped with a freshly laid egg and a hint of maple) and, my favorite, the PIG Mac, a triple-decker delight on a Mediterra pretzel bun. Aside from the Heinz ketchup, all burger toppings are homemade. I could pig out on Blackberry Meadow’s Cowboy Candy, a mix of hot peppers, sugar, apple cider vinegar, chili powder, turmeric and ginger, straight from the jar. OK, I already have. Oink.

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Pub Burger at Meat & Potatoes

Downtown, 649 Penn Ave. | meatandpotatoespgh.com

I expected a place called Meat & Potatoes to have a stellar burger-and-fry combo and the Downtown gastropub delivered. The Pub Burger defies its deceptively ordinary name by dripping with pastrami pork belly, aged cheddar, a fried egg and special sauce. It’ll boggle the minds of meat lovers — as well as fans of shoestring spuds seasoned to perfection.

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AV Burger at Alta Via

O’Hara, Fox Chapel Plaza, 46 Fox Chapel Road and Downtown, 2 PPG Place | altaviapgh.com

You might be surprised to know that big Burrito Restaurant Group knows a lot about burgers. At Kaya, the company’s island-inspired spot in the Strip, the signature sandwich is topped with pickles, avocado, bacon, tomato, Chihuahua cheese, a sunny-side egg and Kaya sauce. Eleven’s entry bucks the ground beef trend for braised veal with black pepper bacon, crispy onions, fries and your choice of cheese: white cheddar, Point Reyes blue, goat or Emmentaler Swiss. On New Year’s Eve, I had a burger at Alta Via in Market Square, the Italian ristorante’s second location. There was no better way to say goodbye to 2023 than with beef short rib sugo, braised cipollini onions, arugula and cheddar cheese. I wonder what burger big Burrito has in store for 2024?

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Cheeseburger Donut at Oakmont Bakery

Oakmont, 1 Sweet St. | oakmontbakery.com

If you’re a carnivore with a sweet tooth, sink those incisors into a cheeseburger from Oakmont Bakery. Available year-round, two raised-shell donuts cradle a chocolate cake donut “patty” that’s topped with gold buttercream “cheese” and green buttercream “lettuce.” From Memorial Day through Labor Day, the Sweet Street facility also offers 3-D cheeseburger cakes with a yellow cake “bun” sprinkled with Rice Krispies to mimic sesame seeds, a chocolate cake “burger” rolled in Oreo crumbs and colorful buttercream doubling as cheese, lettuce, ketchup and mustard.